Are You Having Fun With Your ADHD Kids?

I swore I would never turn into The Taskmaster. But here I was, about to lose it over yet another of my son's missed homework assignments.

Here’s what happened that shifted my parenting from a getting done mindset to having fun. 

The Homework Trap

Before leaving for home from the middle school pick-up line, I made a habit of asking my son to dig through his backpack to make sure he didn’t forget his homework materials. The nightmare of transitioning my son back to the car after finally returning home so he could then pound on locked school doors for forgotten homework materials made my heart race. Self-conscious about rummaging through his backpack as he held up the cars waiting in line behind us, my son finally said to me, “The first thing you ask me everyday is about my homework. I wish you would ask me about me.” 

My son opened my eyes to the message I was unintentionally sending. Twelve years later, I’m still grateful to him for speaking up. 

What did I learn?

Focus on the Relationship

We have kids to be in a relationship with them. So often we focus on the stuff that needs to get done, that we forget about our relationships with our kids. As well-meaning parents, we zero in on the charts, the stars, the structures we have in place to support our kids to be successful. But how many conversations are we having with our kids?

Quick Tip:

Look for ways to have conversations with your child, such as while you’re both in the car, when she’s having a snack, or before he’s going to bed as a wind-down activity.

Ask open-ended questions such as those that begin with What, When or How.

Done or Fun?

We want our kids to have fond memories of our family life together, rather than how much we, or they, got done. This can be in the form of activities you do together, family dinners, favorite foods you make, smells in the kitchen, conversations, or anything else that is meaningful to you.

Quick Tip:

Write down three things you want your kids to remember about your lives together. 

What can you do to make this happen?

Let go of short-term complications 

It’s critical for us to not let short-lived or temporary hurdles interfere with our long-term relationships. Once the relationship is connected, everything becomes easier, even when there’s a conflict. When our kids feel safe in their relationship with us they will trust us and be open to our guidance and support. 

Quick Tip:

When a problem arises, be open and transparent, try to stay neutral, and give your child permission to make mistakes. 

To shift from a getting done mindset to having fun with our ADHD kids:

• Focus on the relationship

• Shift from getting done to having fun

• Let go of short-term complications

Experiment with one or all of these and observe any changes in your relationship with your child. 

I’d love to hear how it goes for you!

 

P.S.  Whenever you’re ready, Contact me for an ADHD Strategy Assessment and we can talk about a plan to support you to be more effective and help your child reach their full potential.

 

 

Transforming Parents Lives

 

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