Fear of Failure: Strengthen Confidence in Three Powerful Ways Living with ADHD

Most of us have experienced failure at some time or another. Fear of failing can bring us to a standstill and cause us to resist doing anything about it. When live you with ADHD, it’s not uncommon to feel as if you can’t do anything right. Internalizing criticism more intensely than others, people with ADHD can experience perceived or real failure to live up to expectations. “Shoulda’s, coulda’s, woulda’s” become a self-sabotaging internal dialogue, that can reduce self-esteem, decrease motivation, and paralyze decision-making.  

ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria  

If you live with ADHD and experience "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria" (RSD), the risk of giving your best shot at something and then failing is a threat that is so painful and distressing that it feels unsafe. RSD is when an individual with ADHD experiences extreme emotional pain triggered by the perception, real or imagined, of being:
• rejected
• teased
• criticized
• a disappointment to important people in their lives
• disappointed in themselves when they failed to achieve their own standards or goals. 

According to Dr. William Dodson, MD., Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is only found in individuals with ADHD. Dr. Dodson says that this emotional pain is intense and experienced as catastrophic. (Attention Magazine, October 2016; National Resource Center on ADHD, ADHD Weekly, April 4, 2019).

When living with ADHD and the terrible pain of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, the all too familiar way of shielding yourself from failure is to give up trying, unless quick success is guaranteed. 

Here are three powerful ways to confront the fear of failure when you live with ADHD, so you can strengthen your confidence, commit to your choices, and achieve what's most important to you. 

Shed the Shoulds 

Shoulds are expectations we have of ourselves or the self-talk we’ve adopted from our interpretation of other people’s expectations of us. Should’s can be limiting ideas or rules we impose on ourselves. 

Let Go of the Fear of Making the "Wrong" Decision  

Yet, in most cases, just about any choice can be adapted into a useful and productive decision. In other words, there is no perfect decision. We make decisions based on our commitment and investment in that decision. Some choices require more effort, time, energy, hope, and struggle. At the same time, the act of making and acting on one decision at a time brings more satisfaction than the decision itself.

There’s always going to be someone who has more or accomplished more or less than you have. Comparing ourselves to others only separates and isolates us, causing us to feel better or worse than others. Rather than focusing on where you are relative to other people, put your experiences into the context of your own journey.